On the heels of 2012’s box office flop, Battleship, Hollywood has decided to keep rolling the dice and produce more flops… err movies, based on other favorite classic board games.

Except for Universal Studios, which  backed out of their 7 year deal with Hasbro 14 months ago.

Still in the works:

 

As a child and huge fan of the 80s, I realize that some of our most cherished childhood memories were simply the by-products of the blatant capitalism that created them.

The most obvious example is my beloved Transformers. Prior to Takara partnering with Hasbro, Optimus Prime was known simply as “Convoy” in Japan. Poor Megatron was known simply as “Gun Robo”.  Hasbro wisely chose Marvel to flesh out a back story for Takara’s microman/diaclone line of toys, and the Transformers as we know them were born.

Unfortunately for Hollywood, classic board games are not awesome alien robots from outer space!

Aside from that simple fact, all future movies based on board game movies are likely to suffer from one other more glaring issue: The ideas behind these games are fairly generic – war, greed, racing, etc, so they translate nicely into the existing formulaic premises of most of the movies that were ever made.

Battleship may have seen a bit more success if they had chosen to produce a WWII Era war movie, like Pearl Harbor, instead of all of that awful alien nonsense.

While Candyland might be able to draw some limited nostalgic success as an animated adventure movie for kids, as a live action movie it will likely flop.  A chase through Candyland sounds like a mash up of Jumanji and Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory, although screenwriter Glenn Berger claims it will be like Lord Of The Rings, but sweeter:

“We envision it as ‘Lord of the Rings’, but set in a world of candy… We don’t see it as a movie based on a board game, although it has characters from that world and takes the idea of people finding themselves in a world that happens to be made entirely of candy where there are huge battles going on.”

What could Ridley Scott  possibly create from Monopoly? A movie about corrupt financial practices? Wall Street. How about Criminal Gangs vying to control the classic Mon0poly properties in Atlantic City? Boardwalk Empire.

Risk? Any war movie ever made could be subtitled Risk.

I must say that I am intrigued by the idea of another Clue movie. The classic 1985 Clue movie, while not a box office or critical success, was hilarious and very well cast. If placed in the hands of the right cast and director, it may see a successful revival amongst my fellow 30 & 40 somethings.

The most ridiculous game to make this list is Ouija, for many reassons. Not because the Ouija board is widely considered “demonic” by some, but because the very idea screams “B Movie”.

In fact, this future flop has already seen it’s budget cut from $100 million to a measly $5 million. However, Michael Bay is listed as a producer so it may make a little money. For some inexplicable  reason, Bay continues to make it rain money at the box office while simultaneously destroying our childhood icons.

What happened to the Hollywood that produced classic films like the Back To The Future, Gremlins, Star Wars, Indiana Jones and Blade Runner?

I know that nostalgia often makes us blind when it comes to memories of our childhood, but I challenge anyone to find recent movies that are comparable to those classics.

Oh, how I long for the 80s!

What do you guys think? Leave me comments and let me know!